Avoid at all costs

Welcome to reThinkable - my Sunday newsletter where I share actionable money tips, strategies, and resources to help you make smarter money moves.

Read time: 3.2 minutes

Hey friend,

Have you ever heard the phrase, “It be your own?”

Unfortunately, sometimes it’s the people closest to you who are sabotaging your finances.

Think about it. Have you ever had that one friend pushing you to “just come out” even though they know you’re trying to save? Or the sibling who talks you out of applying for a higher-paying job with lines like, “The job market sucks right now”

That kind of put-you-down attitude is called: Crab mentality.

So what exactly is it? And more importantly, how do you make sure you have all the support you need to stick with your financial goals?

Crab mentality

Crab mentality is the “if I can’t have it, neither can you” mindset.

The name comes from what actually happens with crabs: put one in a bucket and it’ll climb out. But put a bunch together, and they will all pull each other down so no one can escape.

Crabs do this because…. they are crabs. 

Humans are just a little more complex. Psychologists say that people drag others down because they constantly compare themselves to their circle. When someone in a similar situation starts getting ahead, they get jealous, worried they’ll be left behind or insecure. Instead of putting in the effort to also improve, it's easier to feel better if everyone stays stuck.

Crab mentality in personal finance can look like:

• Coworkers rolling their eyes when you bring your lunch from home instead of ordering a $20 salad with them

• A parent ignoring financial boundaries you’ve set and asking to borrow more money

• A cousin telling you investing is “just gambling” when you start putting money in the stock market

And to be fair, sometimes people discourage your goals because they think they’re protecting you. Like a partner who wants you to save less because “you’ve got to enjoy life too”. But good intentions still have bad effects.

Here’s how I’ve learned to deal with crab mentality:

1. Don’t advertise your goals right away

When you’re fired up about a new goal, it’s natural to want to share it with family and friends. But sometimes it’s smarter to keep it to yourself.

Say you mention at dinner that you’re saving for a down payment. Suddenly 5 people are giving their opinions. And it only takes 1 negative comment to throw you off track. Imagine hearing, “You’ll never finish paying off a house in this economy.” 

How motivated would you feel after that? Keep your goals close until you’ve built momentum. Share only with the people you trust to give constructive feedback, not tear you down. 

2. Work on your motivation

Be so clear on your “why” that other people’s comments can’t shake you.

When I was saving money so I could quit my corporate job, some of my friends would tease me about being “cheap.” They’d give me a hard time when I said no to going out too often or when I suggested more affordable options.

In those moments, I had to remind myself of my real motivation: building the freedom to walk away from a job I hated. That reminder made it easier to ignore the jokes.

You don’t need to explain every detail of your savings plan because that only invites more questions. A simple, firm response like “I don’t need that right now” or “I’d rather do something else” is enough.

3. Don’t be a crab to others

The best way to avoid crabs is to make sure you are not a crab.

When someone you know gets a raise, pays off debt, or buys their first house, it’s natural to compare yourself and feel jealous. And when you consider that social media is 90% people you know getting married, buying houses, and going on vacation… it’s no wonder you feel insecure.

Instead of being jealous, flip it into curiosity. Ask yourself, “How did they do it?”

But the real game changer is meeting people who are chasing similar goals. Let’s say you’re dreaming about a side hustle, find others who’ve already started one. Show up at local entrepreneur events or join online communities. Learning from people ahead of you can save you time, money, and mistakes.

When I used to run, a more experienced runner once told me her secret: she’d spot the fastest person in the group and try to keep up with them. That’s how she got faster. The same is true with money. Surround yourself with people a step ahead and you’ll stop hearing the voices of those falling behind.

Ever had someone call you “cheap” for saving, or try to talk you out of going for more? Hit reply and tell me your story!

To making smarter money moves,

— Vincent Chan

Cool things from this week

• Smart Money Tip of the Week: Here’s one my favorite tricks that helps me stop wasting my time after work.

• I finally got around to watching KPop Demon Hunters. I don’t normally listen to KPop music but this movie pretty catchy. I understand why it’s becoming the most-watched Netflix movie of all time (and also topping the Billboard 200 chart with its soundtracks). My niece has played the song “Soda Pop” on repeat for the 457th time… and counting.

• I sent out a newsletter on Sept 7 predicting the Fed would cut interest rates soon and shared 3 actionable strategies to help you maximize your money when it happened. Well, it’s official. The Fed lowered rates by 0.25% this week. The good news is you can still apply the 3 strategies.

Vincent Chan

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